Is It Time to Stop Separating Work and Life?
Read time: 5 minutes
Welcome to My Musings
Where I share insights that have impacted me, thoughts on personal growth, and actionable strategies to help you navigate career and life transitions.
Today: "What if the key to work-life balance isn’t balance at all, but finally admitting they were never separate to begin with?"
Have you seen Severance?
Is it annoying when someone asks if you’ve seen a show everyone is talking about?
Yes. But let’s move past that.
Because Severance - the Apple TV+ series exploring the ultimate version of work-life separation - forces us to confront a question many of us ignore:
What if work-life balance isn’t the goal?
The Fantasy of the Work-Life Divide
If you haven’t watched Severance yet (and I highly recommend you do), here’s the premise:
Employees undergo a procedure that separates their work and personal selves into two distinct identities - an “Innie” (who only exists at work) and an “Outie” (who only exists outside of work). The Innie has no memory of life beyond the office, while the Outie is completely unaware of what happens at work.
It’s terrifying. And awesome.
Because, in many ways, this is exactly what we try to do in real life.
Many of us talk about work-life balance as if it’s about strict separation - leaving work at the office and personal life at home. We chase productivity hacks, time-blocking techniques, and “unplugging” strategies, all, for the sake of achieving a state of knowing, at all times, what mode we are in.
And, this makes sense. Given the ubiquity of smartphones, email, Slack and other ways in which work permeates our “non-work” lives, who wouldn’t want to be able to just turn it all off?
Yet, despite all this, burnout, disengagement, and career dissatisfaction are at an all-time high.
So what if separation isn’t the answer at all?
From Balance to Integration
I was thinking about this in a conversation with a client recently.
Let’s call him Mark.
Mark is at a career crossroads. He doesn’t just want a new job - he wants a role where he can be fully himself. No more switching between “work Mark” and “home Mark.” Just Mark - in all settings.
That completely defies the Innie/Outie model.
It challenges the traditional view of work-life balance and instead introduces something deeper: work-life integration.
Because when we try to compartmentalize, a few things can happen:
1. We deny parts of ourselves.
Forcing a strict work-self and personal-self divide makes us feel fragmented. And over time, that fragmentation leads to:
Burnout from constantly switching between identities and the tasks that are related to each.
A lack of fulfillment because we’re suppressing parts of who we are.
A nagging sense that something is missing (which also comes up frequently around midlife, and which I’ve written about elsewhere)
2. We miss the possibilities that come with integration.
Work-life integration doesn’t mean quitting your job to chase an unrealistic dream. It means asking:
How can I bring more of myself into the work I already do?
How can I align my career with my values and strengths?
What if I didn’t have to “perform” at work?
The answer might not be an entirely new job - it could be a shift in how you approach your current work.
3. We move further from self-realization.
The more we separate our “work self” from our “real self,” the harder it becomes to reconcile them.
But when we embrace integration, we unlock something greater than the sum of our parts. We step into our fullest selves.
Why Work-Life Balance is a Myth
So, despite the fact that I am really, truly into Severance as a show, I think it perhaps is actually trying to teach us that while separation seems like the ideal way to manage work stress. But eventually, everyone reaches a point where they crave wholeness.
We want to know that - whether we’re in the office, at a party, in an operating room, or with our kids - we are showing up as the same, authentic person in every space.
So instead of chasing an impossible work-life balance, the real question is:
How can you integrate who you are into what you do?
How to Integrate Work and Life (Without Losing Yourself)
Here are four practical ways to start integrating - rather than separating - your work and personal life.
1. Align Your Work With Your Core Values
Think about the values that guide your life. If your work constantly forces you to compromise on what truly matters to you, the disconnect will wear you down.
One way to do this is to Write down your top three core, unchanging values and reflect: Does my current work support these values? If not, how can I bring them into my work?
2. Identify What Energizes You (And Do More of It)
The key to integration isn’t about finding the “perfect” job - it’s about knowing what energizes you and bringing more of that into your daily work.
Over the next week, try taking note of:
Tasks that make time fly by.
Conversations that leave you feeling inspired.
Moments when you feel truly engaged.
What do you notice? How can you amplify those moments. Can you shift your focus toward more of those activities? Can you delegate the work that drains you?
3. Build Small Practices That Bridge the Two Worlds
One of the biggest struggles with work-life integration is the transition between roles. Instead of compartmentalizing, create practices that help you carry the best of both worlds into each part of your life. Here are some ideas to get you started:
If you work from home, take a short walk at the end of the day to shift your mindset.
If your job requires deep focus, start your mornings with intentional reflection (rather than checking emails first thing). Or check out the work of Cal Newport or Oliver Burkeman for more amazing ideas on this.
If work feels impersonal, bring something uniquely you to your workspace - whether it’s music, a small creative practice, or something else that grounds you. You could even do the Severance thing - have a laser etched bust of yourself on your desk - but that might be pushing it.
Your Next Step: A Question to Ponder
At the end of the day, there is no quick fix for this. It’s a lifelong dilemma. But, if all transformation starts with one simple question, here’s a good one to ask to start on the process of integration:
“What would be possible if I stepped out of my own way?”
Want to talk that one out? Get in touch for a complementary coaching session and we can do it.
See you next week.
