And, for the most part, that is what happened. I was successful by any definition. I was respected in my profession, I built an impressive roster of clients, my network was enviable, and I made a good living. I married my wonderful and amazing partner of many years, and we brought our daughter into the world. I had a firm with my name on the door, good people who worked for me, and a business partner who was just as ambitious as I was to have the best firm around. 

And, yet, something was still missing.

I was constantly wondering, “Is this really what I am meant to do with my talent, skills and personality?” and,  “How is this work bringing meaning to my career and life?” More than anything, though, I asked: “Why do I feel like so much of my Self is being hidden away every day?”

And, yet, I kept going for all the reasons one keeps going: impressing family and friends, “keeping up”, striving, excelling, ego. Part of me kept shouting, “You’re stuck with this, Jordan. This is just your lot in life and its not worth the risk of changing direction at 40!”

I kept going until I couldn’t. My body started telling me things that I couldn’t think my way out of or into. My emotions were getting louder and my ability to work as I always had was escaping me. 

I could no longer ignore the parts of me that knew the truth: it was a long time coming, but I was going to have to untie the knot.