The Pitfalls of Infallibility
Screenshot of the game “Pitfall”. © Activision.
In today’s newsletter, we’ll get into the pitfalls of aiming for perfection and tackle the challenge of being a perfectionist.
I work with, and speak with, a lot of lawyers. And lawyers, like all professionals, often want things, products and outcomes (for themselves and their clients) to be perfect.
But, there is another word I like to use when describing this affliction.
They suffer from the desire to be infallibile.
Defined as “the incapability of making mistakes or being wrong”, infallibility projects the power to be relied on, to be trusted, and to be better than the competition.
But, the demands of infallibility have significant negative effects, impacting mental health, job satisfaction, and overall effectiveness.
Striving for infallibility is exhausting.
And, it’s driven by fear.
Being afraid to make mistakes or be wrong leads to thoughts.
“I am really going to f**k this one up”
“The client is not going to be protected.”
“They are going to have a bad result.”
“The deal is going to go sour.”
“I’m going to get fired.”
“I’ll never work again.”
And so on. You know how it goes. It’s catastrophizing.
But, telling yourself this story makes you less effective, leads to resentment of work and clients, and kills confidence and creativity.
In fact, a study by the American Bar Association (ABA) and the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation found that, as a result of the stress to be perfect and avoid making mistakes, lawyers are at a significantly higher risk of mental health issues compared to the general population. The study revealed that 28% of lawyers struggle with depression, 19% with anxiety, and 21% exhibit problematic drinking behaviours .
Most people deal with this by working. More.
It’s like, “If I just make this even better, I will worry about negative outcomes less.” Work is the solution to worrying about work.
See the irony there?
Not only is it ironic, but it doesn’t work. It simply doubles down on the problem in the first place - chasing perfection and avoiding the fear of failure.
My Strategy for Being OK with not being Infallible
Instead of working to solve the problem of work, step away from it and be with the issue differently.
Here’s a strategy to address that . Borrowed from Byron Katie’s “The Work”, take the thought (i.e. “I’m going to lose my job,” “The deal is going to fail,” or, “I am no good,” and ask:
Is it true? As in, “Am I really going to lose my job? I am not sure that’s true.”
Can I be absolutely certain that it’s true? As in, “Even if it was likely, I definitely can’t be absolutely true this deal will not close.”
How do I react when I believe that thought? As in, “When I believe I am no good, I feel no motivation, want to quit, get lazy, and don’t feel like myself.”
Who would I be without the thought? As in, “Without that thought, I am a person who gets things done, forgives myself for not being perfect, and am certainly capable at providing results for clients.”
Finally, after going through this process, come up with a “turnaround” - a sentence expressing the opposite of what one believes. An example here would be, “This deal is going to close,” or, “I am going to keep my job.”
A client of mine, let’s call him “Matt”, did this for a few weeks, and noticed that, even when the deals were going not as well as he’d like, he still didn’t come down so hard on himself, and found more energy to work, to be available for his friends and family, and, to take care of himself. That was a huge change from his previous thinking.
Want to go deeper?
If you’re ready to work on this yourself, use the practice above, or do some deeper looking into Byron Katie’s “The Work”.
If you want an ally in getting better at this, or maybe taking on some of the other challenges being a perfectionist that coming up in work or life, reach out or set up a call with me and we can explore what we can do together.
Your Next Steps
Ready to start being OK with being imperfect?
Here's what to do next:
Choose one specific challenge and related thought you are facing.
Spend some time writing down the thought as well as going through the above four steps on paper.
Check in with yourself over the days and weeks as you repeat this process with other challenging thoughts.
Notice how things change, what patterns are coming and going, and how future c challenges seem to you.
The key to getting better with not being infallible is practicing. If you can do that, you’ll quickly build the neural and thinking patterns needed to make it automatic.
I hope you’ll give this a try.
See you next time.
