Finding Your Why In The Wilderness
Read time: 6 minutes
Welcome to My Musings
Where I share insights that have impacted me, thoughts on personal growth, and actionable strategies to help you navigate career and life transitions.
Today: What Passover, Viktor Frankl, and Depression can teach us about Meaning.
Over the past week, I’ve spoken with two people close to me. Both are suffering immensely.
One just lost his longtime job. He’s at a crossroads, wrestling with regret and uncertainty. He is questioning a lot of things in his life right now.
The other is deep in depression, struggling with suicidal thoughts and a painful sense of meaninglessness.
He too has many regrets. He too has many questions.
Though the nature of their suffering is different, they are asking the same things:
What now? Where do I go from here? How do I move forward? Have I failed? Will I ever succeed again?
“If you have a why...”
Viktor Frankl, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, famously wrote:
“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
Frankl’s words offer something radical. They don’t suggest that suffering goes away - but they suggest we can endure it - if we can locate a thread of purpose.
And often, when people come to me - whether in crisis, transition, or simply stuck - what’s missing isn’t skill or strength. It’s the why.
Without a “why,” the “how” can’t form. We get and feel paralyzed.
Wandering in the Desert
This past week also marked Passover - the Jewish holiday commemorating the Exodus from Egypt. As the story goes, after fleeing slavery, the Israelites did not immediately enter the Promised Land. They wandered the desert for 40 years.
Why?
There are many interpretations. But as a Rabbi once told me, during one of my own departures into the unknown:
“Everyone has to experience their 40 years in the desert.”
It’s not just a historical metaphor. It’s the shape of transformation.
As Joseph Campbell wrote in The Power of Myth and The Hero’s Journey, every growth story includes a departure from comfort, a descent into darkness, and the long, messy climb out. Often, the descent is painful, confusing and utterly disorienting.
But it’s also where something new begins.
The Painful Beginning of “How”
Whether you’re leaving a long-time career, staring down questions of identity, or grappling with whether life has any meaning at all - the beginning of transformation is not neat.
It looks more like this:
Suffer.
Give in.
Allow yourself to suffer more.
Hit rock bottom.
Ask for help.
Not exactly a bestseller self-help formula. But it’s honest.
It’s also exactly where the Israelites began. They followed Moses - a man unsure of his own voice, uncertain of how to lead. They had no clear path forward. No solid plan. Just sand, suffering, and the mysterious promise of something bigger.
They didn’t know how they’d get there. But they knew why they had to leave.
That was enough (or, as you might say at the Seder table, “Dayeinu!”)
When We Don’t Know Why
This is where both of the men I spoke with are stuck. Their dread and disorientation come from not knowing why they’re suffering.
Why did I get let go?
Why do I feel like this?
Why is life testing me?
Why don’t I have answers?
And without a “why,” it’s almost impossible to figure out the “how.”
Let’s say I knew I was depressed because of a lack of a specific brain chemical. Now, I have a “why.” From there, the “how” becomes tangible: medication, therapy, behavior change.
Or let’s say I was fired because I stole from the company. I might feel ashamed, but I know why it happened. I can reflect, learn, and build a new “how.”
It’s much harder when the “why” is hidden. When there’s no diagnosis, reason or closure.
That’s when it feels like you’ve been dropped in a desert with no map. And that’s where panic takes hold.
Starting with Values
So - what do we do?
In my own practice, this is often where to begin.
We look for the “why” not in external events, but in values.
Not how you want to feel, but what really matters to you.
Values like honesty. Compassion. Curiosity. Philanthropy. Discipline. Courage. Rest.
There’s no judgment here. Values are personal. Unique. Custom-built to each life.
And once we know what they are, we can begin to make meaning - not in the abstract, but in the daily.
Even when you’re lost in the desert, values give you orientation.
And if this idea of reconnecting to your values hits close to home - especially if you're a creative navigating the business side of your craft - I’m speaking at an upcoming event that explores exactly that.
Success as a creative isn’t just about talent - it’s about learning how to navigate the business of your art. Whether you're a writer, designer, performer, or any kind of maker, this workshop dives into the essentials of networking without selling your soul, thinking like an entrepreneur without losing your voice, and protecting your work (and your income) with confidence.
We'll explore:
How to align your values with your creative business strategy
How to network effectively (without being transactional)
What to look for in contracts
How to think like an entrepreneur and stay true to your craft
Oh, and yes - there’ll be time for schmoozing. This is a great opportunity to connect. If this sounds like it’s for you, you can sign up here.
A Simple Practice
If you’re feeling lost, here’s one small but powerful step to try:
Make a list of at least 10 values that are important to you.
(Tip: Happiness is not a value - it’s an emotion. Charity, honesty, curiosity - those are values.)Ask yourself: Where in my life am I honouring these values? Where am I ignoring them?
Choose one value to bring forward more deliberately. What’s one small way to act on it this week?
This is how we begin to rebuild a “why.”
Values Lead to the “How”
Let’s be clear: knowing your values doesn’t eliminate suffering. But it gives it context, shape and direction.
You begin to say things like: “I don’t know why this happened - but I know I value truth. So I’m going to keep showing up honestly.”
Or: “I’m not sure where I’m going next, but I value creativity. So I’m going to spend time making things.”
This is what allows us to take the first step. Even when we don’t see the whole path.
This is what got the Israelites through 40 years of wandering.
This is what the hero follows into the dragon’s lair.
And this is what the people I love - who are suffering right now - need to remember.
If You’re Really in It…
If you’re deep in the desert - knees in the sand, no water in sight - please don’t try to figure this out alone.
If you’re grappling with suicidal thoughts, get help immediately. Call a friend. Call a professional. Reach for something.
There are people who want you here.. Who will hold your “why” until you can find it again.
We don’t always know the “how.” But if we can reconnect to the “why,” we can start to walk again.
And that, maybe, is enough.
