Why Change Is Hard
Read time: 5 Minutes
Welcome to My Musings, where I share insights that have impacted me, thoughts on personal growth, and actionable strategies to help you navigate career and life transitions.
Today:
Musing: What my kids teach me about why change is difficult.
Quote: A reflection on starting again.
Question: A powerful question to drive daily growth.
© Jill Greenberg
Why is Change so Hard?
Ever been to a grocery store, playground, or mall and noticed that one kid in full meltdown mode?
When I see my kids doing this, I often find myself wondering, “What’s so hard for them right now?”
Despite providing comfort, ease, and security, even small changes can trigger a massive emotional response for them. It’s like we are asking them to cut off an arm - when really, it’s just about putting on the left shoe.
For kids, change is hard — but, it’s not all that different for us adults either.
According to William Bridges in his book Transitions (which I’ve referred to before), the real challenge lies in the emotional shift that accompanies any transition. We feel the loss before we even have time to process it. We see “shitty feeling”. Then we run for the hills - or, perhaps more aptly, run for the future where that feeling isn’t supposed to be (or so we belive).
And for both kids and adults, that makes change painful.
As adults, we can rationalize small changes—like leaving the playground. It’s not a big deal because we know we can return. But what about more significant changes, like leaving a career or a marriage? The losses here are real and profound. There can be both real excitement and also real fear and dread about what’s next. There can be relief about leaving the thing we’re in, while also hesitation to let go from the comfort it provides.
Not to paint a dark picture - but, it’s like losing a really old pet. It’s sick, it’s suffering. It sucks to lose it, but you are also kinda happy for it that it’s out of it’s suffering (and maybe, in some small, guilty way, you are also relieved that you don’t have to take so much care of it anymore).
In short, it’s confusing and off-putting.
Might I suggest, In those cases, instead of rushing through the pain, we should pause and acknowledge it. Sit with the discomfort. Let it fuel growth.
As William Bridges says (and I am paraphrasing here): we can’t truly make change without mourning the end of what it is we are moving on from. But, when we acknowledge the loss, we create the grounds for the new beginning to really take shape.
The Best Time to Start Again
“For what it’s worth, it’s never too late—or, in my case, too early—to be whoever you want to be . . . I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald
We are always starting over. As I told a client in a coaching session recently, we’re constantly arriving at the next phase of life. The idea that we need to “get somewhere” in order to finally feel content? It’s a myth. When we realize we’re always in transition, the pressure eases.
Fitzgerald’s quote reminds us that the real question isn’t about what job we want or how much money we make—it’s about who we want to be. When we answer that, the rest starts to fall into place. Change isn’t easy, but when we have a framework for who we are, it becomes clearer what fits into that puzzle.
How Can We Continue to Grow?
Each day presents us with an opportunity to ask ourselves tough questions. And, without asking those questions, it’s just that much harder to deepen our knowledge - of our world, of ourselves and of what we want (and can) achieve in respect of our vision for work and life. A question that has intrigued me lately is:
“What is the most courageous thing you have done today?”
It’s early as I’m writing this, so I’m not entirely sure what the answer is going to be yet. But, I know that tonight, regardless of whether it is some monumental task or small gesture, I will be able to identify a courageous thing - and, perhaps more importantly, be reminded that I had it in me to do that courageous thing.
Meaning, tomorrow will give me another opportunity to do it and get better at it.
Want to Dive Deeper?
I work with people and teams to confidently meet change at work and in life; to foster cultures of mentorship; and, to hone and develop soft skills to create better leaders. Through that work, folks uncover their deeper purpose, navigate challenging transitions, and answer the call to vocation.
If you’d like to explore what’s coming up for you, get in touch.
I hope this week’s edition has been helpful. See you next week.
