3 Myths About Mentorship, Debunked
Read time: 7 minutes
Welcome to My Musings, a (usually) weekly newsletter where I share what’s been impacting me lately, what I’ve been thinking about, and actionable ideas to help you navigate the career and life transitions that might be coming up for you.
Today, in short:
Offer: The November Work with Purpose Group Program is fast approaching. It’s a great chance to work and grow with like-minded folks around your career and what you can do to feel more alive in it. Sign up here, or, read on to find out more.
Musing: Mentorship is one of the most critical, fundamental parts of growth in our careers and lives. But, its often misunderstood and even left off the table entirely. Where do we get it wrong?
Quote: A Zen Buddhist’s view on where difficult emotions come from, and, what we can do to understand them better.
But First…
Ever wonder - what is my purpose?
Do you have indecision about your career?
Do you know what you want and like to do, but are stuck figuring out how?
Or, do you love what you do, but are tired of sacrificing the things that make you, "you", in order to keep up with work?
I get it.
That’s why, I am launching my first Working with Purpose group program in the November (yes, that is soon).
Over a period of 6 weeks, you'll reconnect with parts of yourself that you may have left behind over the years as you've built your career. You'll re-envision your life and the role that work plays within it, and, you'll build strong and resilient habits to stave off burn out and feel a deeper sense of purpose and connection to your work and your self.
Through the power of community and a combination of:
1. virtual 1-on-1 sessions and group calls
2. a 24/7 chat group for discussion, questions and continued shared insights
3. a custom-built, exclusive development plan that includes regular readings, activities and practices to foster awareness and insight and growth
you'll emerge from this program with a clear vision and strategy to bring more satisfaction, fulfillment and aliveness to your work and improved alignment with your values.
This program is designed for high-achieving professionals who are questioning their current path, feeling unfulfilled despite their achievements, or struggling with burnout. It’s for those who love what they do but feel overwhelmed by the demands of balancing their career with their personal life. If you’re seeking clarity, deeper fulfillment, and a way to align your work with your core values, the Working with Purpose Program offers a supportive community to help you reconnect with your purpose and take meaningful action.
Think that includes you? Take the next step and fill out this survey.
Still not sure? I'll be hosting a FREE 30-minute group call about the Program on September 19 at 12:00 pm EST. Email me if you want to join and you'll receive a link.
Now, onto today’s newsletter:
You’ve Got Mentorship All Wrong
Apparently, this is what mentorship should look like.
This week, I had a delightful conversation for a podcast interview, and the topic of mentorship came up.
Why?
Because I’ve been very fortunate to have had many, many mentors - of all shapes and sizes.
Some have gone on to be friends.
Some have since passed.
Some don’t even know they are my mentors.
And over the course of this conversation, it got me thinking, “Mentorship is so powerful. But, it’s clear, most people don’t really understand what it’s about”
So, today, we’re going to debunk a few myths around mentorship that I often see accepted as true and common knowledge.
Myth #1: Mentorship is a One Way Street
Wrong. Mentors often take so much more from their mentees than mentees will ever know. Not only have I had this experience with my own mentees, but I have seen in my own mentors how, over time, our relationships have evolved so much that I am now often asked what I think about what they are going through or encountering in career or life. It’s a weird thing that happens - but also one of the most rewarding parts of being in a mentorship relationship. At the end of the day, it’s a two-way relationship where both parties are imparting wisdom to one another. Mentors often gain fresh perspectives, learn new technologies or trends, and feel a sense of fulfillment from contributing to someone else's growth.
Myth #2: Mentorship is a Formal, Rigid, Structured Relationship
I see this most often in corporate environments - the only way for mentorship to occur is if there is a formal program where mentors and mentees are matched, meetings are scheduled, and discussions are had bi-monthly until its “over”. While a structure to mentorship might be necessary, particularly in busy environments where folks barely have enough time for lunch, the reality is that some of the most impactful mentoring relationships are informal and evolve naturally over time. I’ve had some of the most impactful conversations with my mentors in completely unexpected and unplanned circumstances. In fact, they might not even know that what they said at that moment had such an impact on me. My point being: a mentor could (and very well might often) be someone you casually consult with during coffee chats or someone you turn to in times of need without a set schedule - but, the underlying relationship is what counts.
Myth #3: Mentees are Chosen, not Made
I’m often asked how you get someone to mentor you. This belies an interesting, and I believe, fundamentally incorrect belief - that your mentor needs to pick and approve you as a mentee. Sure - the parties to a mentorship relationship need to agree to be in it. But, in reality, a mentor’s willingness to invest their time and energy into someone largely hinges on the mentee showing curiosity, a readiness to grow, and an interest in the mentor. In other words - you make your mentors by seeking out those you admire, are interested in, or just plain do what you want to do. Then, get curious. Ask questions. Learn from them. Be humble. Do that, and you’ll see - you’ll be attracting people to you and turning them into your mentors in no time.
In short:
Mentorship is a powerful, often misunderstood concept that extends far beyond formalities and rigid structures. At its core, its about the dynamic exchange of knowledge, support, and growth between two people. Its about about building authentic, two-way relationships where both mentor and mentee contribute to and benefit from the connection, challenging the notion that mentorship needs to look or function any particular way at all.
Your Next Steps:
Make a list of 5 people in your orbit whom you don’t have a mentorship relationship with, but that you would like to learn more from and about.
Make a list of 5 questions that you would like to ask each of these 5 people - about career, life, inspirations, journeys, interests - whatever you think will be helpful to you in your own growth.
Now, reach out to those 5 people and let them know you are curious about them and were hoping to ask them some questions.
See what happens.
Quote of the Week:
"Most of our suffering comes from our wrong perceptions. We should take the time to look deeply into the nature of our perceptions so we are not caught by them, because our perceptions are the foundation of all our feelings, emotions, and afflictions." Thich Nhat Hahn
Want to Dive Deeper?
I empower leaders to become mentors, mentees to be leaders, and organizations to foster a culture of mentorship. Through that work, folks uncover their deeper purpose, navigate challenging transitions, and answer the call to vocation. If you’d like to explore what’s coming up for you, get in touch.
I hope this newsletter has been helpful. See you next week!
