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Happy 2025 and welcome to My Musings - a space where I unpack myths, share personal reflections, and offer pragmatic strategies for navigating life’s twists and turns. Whether you’re recalibrating your career, grappling with change, or just looking for a nudge in the right direction, you’re in the right place.

Today’s Musing: Resolutions fail because they’re too big and too 'should'.

New Year's Resolutions Don't Work

At least not the way most of us do them.

I’ve never been a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. My philosophy has always been, If something needs doing, why wait until January 1st? Fix it now, not after one last month of procrastination.

That said, this year felt different. The past 12 months have been…let’s call them "character building." On both personal and professional fronts, it’s been challenging. Honestly, if this year could serve as a line in the sand, a fresh start from 2024, I’d take it. But even with that sentiment, I still wasn’t interested in making resolutions.

Then, I read about Janus.

January is named for the Roman god Janus, who has two faces - one looking back, one looking forward. Janus doesn’t scream, “Out with the old, in with the new!” Instead, he quietly suggests, “Hey, maybe glance back for a minute before barreling ahead.” It’s a month not for drastic reinvention, but thoughtful transitions - something I can get behind and perhaps am still navigating myself.

Step One: Acknowledge the Past

The past isn’t just a collection of moments we’d rather forget, decisions we would make again, or choices we think we will live to regret. Angeles Arrien, in Living in Gratitude, frames January as an opportunity to recognize the strengths we’ve gained and carry them forward. She writes, “January is the month of new resolve and new beginnings. It is named for the Roman god Janus, the two-headed god whose one head faces the past while the other faces the present and future.” (Source: Living in Gratitude, p. 23)

So, before drafting a list of lofty ambitions, pause. What worked last year? What didn’t? What moments made you proud? Instead of pretending 2024 didn’t happen, as Tara Brach would say, mine it for gold. Reflect on the conditions that helped you thrive, even if they were fleeting. Were there challenges that forced you to grow? What lessons can you carry forward? Trust me, even the shittiest moments have value too.

Sahil Bloom has a great annual review list that I recommend you check out.

Step Two: Toss the "Shoulds"

If your resolution list looks like a pile of societal expectations, scrap it. As Forrest Hanson notes on the Being Well podcast, many resolutions fail because they’re rooted in what we think we should do rather than what we truly want. ("Being Well with Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest Hanson," Dec 30, 2024)

Should you join a gym? Maybe. But do you want to, or is this another box society wants you to check? Authenticity is key here. Angeles Arrien captures this beautifully: January is an invitation to embrace “curiosity and openness” and focus on what genuinely energizes us. (Living in Gratitude, p. 7)

Pro tip: Make a list of your “shoulds.” Then cross out every item that doesn’t spark even a flicker of excitement. What remains is your starting point. And if your list is entirely crossed out, congratulations! You’re free to start fresh with goals that actually resonate.

One way I often advise clients to navigate this is replace “should” with “could” and see what changes. Brene Brown also has a helpful values exercise that I have found works wonders with navigating the “should monster” when it shows up.

Step Three: Take One Small Step

Resolutions tend to fail because they’re all-or-nothing propositions. Dr. Rick Hanson suggests focusing instead on “minimum viable changes” - small, manageable steps that build momentum. ("Being Well with Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest Hanson," Dec 30, 2024)

Angeles Arrien’s “stop, consider, change, and correct” framework takes this further. She writes, “The stop, consider, change, and correct practice offers a way to align our vision with our choices… and to manifest what we truly want in our life.” (Living in Gratitude, p. 23)

Here’s how this might look:

• Stop: Pause and reflect on where you’re rushing or overcommitting. Are you saying yes to things out of habit or obligation?

• Consider: Are your actions aligned with your values and desires? What would Janus think if he peered into your life?

• Change: Make an adjustment, no matter how small. Shift your focus from “doing everything” to “doing what matters.”

• Correct: Course-correct when life inevitably throws you off track. Spoiler alert: It will. And that’s okay.

Small steps aren’t flashy, but they’re effective. If you’re aiming to change careers, don’t quit tomorrow. Start by reaching out to someone in the field you’re interested in. If you want better health, don’t buy a year-long gym membership - try one class and see how it feels.

The Janus Formula for January

Here it is - a dry, slightly sarcastic (but ultimately effective) framework for navigating January:

1. Look Back: Embrace your past, warts and all, and find the lessons worth keeping. Bonus points for laughing at yourself.

2. Burn the "Shoulds": If a goal doesn’t excite you, toss it. Life’s too short for half-hearted commitments. Remember: Obligations aren’t the same as aspirations.

3. Start Small: As David Whyte would say, “Look for the close in step”. One step. That’s it. No grand gestures, no sweeping declarations. Just a single, meaningful move forward.

As Janus might say (if gods of mythology could talk), progress isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about carrying its wisdom into a future that feels authentic and achievable. So, ditch the resolutions, keep the reflections, and let’s make this January worth remembering.

And if all else fails, remember (I know I’ll be): a Roman God with two heads probably didn’t have it all figured out either.

What Could You Get Done in 2025?

I help people and teams tackle change with confidence - whether it’s navigating career pivots, building a culture of mentorship, or sharpening leadership skills. Together, we uncover deeper purpose, smooth out transitions, and answer the big questions about work and life.

Curious about what’s next for you? Let’s talk.

I hope this week’s musings offered a new perspective. See you next week!