What a buzzword - “resilience”. It’s like just including it in a blog post is sure enough to get some likes, feedback, views or even validation that, “Yes. This is about coaching and how you can really be better at life if you were just more resilient.”

It’s a word we use (and perhaps misuse) so often.

And yet, rarely do we (or at least many folks I know, including myself) stop to think about what it really means.

Merriam-Webster.com explains that “resilience”:

“derives from the present participle of the Latin verb resilire, meaning "to jump back" or "to recoil." The base of resilire is salire, a verb meaning "to leap" that also pops up in the etymologies of such sprightly words as sally and somersault.”

Current affairs aside1, its no surprise that folks these days, both at work and at home, are needing to stretch and respond that much further and more often - the kids are over-programmed, the demands of work are relentless and go well beyond what most of us would consider reasonable hours, there is a glut of news, social media and other content vying for our attention (often at the expense of what matters most), and overall, I feel there is a general sense that we must all be doingor producing more at any given moment - that the hours not being “productive” are hours wasted.

But - what is it to be resilient in the face of this onslaught? One might insist that resilience is simply to be a trampoline, or “be like rubber” - take a hit and bounce back. Or, maybe Google Images will give me something to explain it. When I did that, I got this image:

I don’t know what a small plant growing through cracked concrete says about resilience though. Tenacity? Maybe. Stubborness? A reference to the movie “Wall-E”? Perhaps. But resilience, as in, “recoiling” or “leaping”? I don’t see it.

Others might look outward for the answer. For instance, if my boss can’t “keep it together”, how can I be expected to do the same? Put differently - to whom do I look for lessons in resilience when my leader doesn’t model the behaviours which I believe I need to draw on and mimic to cope? (Of note, this stresses the importance of corporate and cultural leaders becoming skilful in their resilience in order to not only lead effectively, but inspire meaningfully).

A distinction can be made here though - rather than looking outward for the answer, in Integral Coaching, we tend to work from a place that argues that all we need to draw on is already in us. In other words, you already know what it is and how to be resilient, regardless of what your boss, partner, co-worker or therapist show (or more often, doesn’t show) you about being resilient.

You just have to have the tools to remember that resilient part of your self and bring it to the fore. One such tool is simple self-awareness - and like any muscle, self-awareness (like, resilience) needs practice to strengthen.

Here’s an exercise you can try that may help hone that skill and remember your own resilience (in case you’ve forgotten it).

Resilience Practice: Three times a day (morning, midday and evening) pause and ask yourself the following:

1. In the past few hours, what challenges, decisions, situations, etc. did I face?

2. In those instances of challenge, did I jump back or leap forward?

3. What came up for me after I jumped back or leapt forward?

4. How will I apply what I learned from this exercise going forward?

Try it, hold it loosely, and see what happens. I’d love to know how it works for you as you face your own day-to-day challenges. Feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments or reach out to me directly.