THE CRAB IN THE BUCKET
Read time: 4 minutes
Welcome to My Musings, a (usually) weekly newsletter where I share what’s been impacting me lately, what I’ve been thinking about, and actionable ideas to help you navigate the career and life transitions that might be coming up for you.
Today, in short:
Musing: When we’re trying to make changes in life, we’re often compared to crabs in a bucket - trying to get out while the other crabs pull us back - those other crabs being our existing relationships and surroundings. But, what if those other crabs grabbing at our heels are just the parts of ourself that don’t want to release and go for the ride?
Quote: “For a good man to realize that it is better to be whole than to be good is to enter on a strait and narrow path compared to which his previous rectitude was flowery license.” - John Middleton Murry
Word: “Development”
What Holds Us Back from Moving Forward?
In a recent episode of the Being Well Podcast, Dr. Rick Hanson and his son Forrest Hanson were discussing what to do when you get stuck.
You know - that feeling when you want to make a change, but aren’t sure what that change is, and usually aren’t even sure why you need to make it.
Maybe it’s when we are dissatisfied with our work and don’t know what to do next. Maybe it’s when we’re in a city we have lived in for years, but feel that we need to live somewhere - anywhere - else. Maybe it’s when we are in a relationship that is “fine” - but, know we could be in one that is “great” - we just don’t know how.
Or, to borrow from Parker Palmer - maybe it’s when we sense something is missing in our lives and we are searching for it. Maybe it’s when we feel fraudulent in the world and we act in ways that don’t feel like that is how we really are. Maybe its when our inauthenticity makes relationships difficult or impossible. Maybe it’s when our contributions to the world - especially through our work - are tainted by duplicity and devoid of a true self.
Anyway.
Dr. Hanson and Forrest brought up the example of the crab in a bucket, trying to escape, with all the other crabs in the bucket grabbing at it’s heels (do crabs have heels?), trying to hold it back and yelling, “Stay here! It’s safer in the bucket! Don’t leave us!”
But, is it safer in the bucket? The other crabs would certainly like us to believe that.
But, that bucket is likely getting taken to some restaurant later in the day and those crabs are going to be dinner.
The Hansons posit that those other crabs are our external circumstances - usually, friends or acquaintances who we either don’t want to leave, or, are telling us (perhaps subtly) not to venture out into the wilderness. Their motivations are pure - they want to protect us.
And, that can keep us stuck.
I’d like to offer a different interpretation: the other crabs are also us.
Recall a time where you wanted to make a change - doesn’t need to be big. What voice did you hear that said, “You shouldn’t do this. It’s not going to work out. It’s too scary, risky and really, why make the change anyway? Things are good enough now. Don’t fix it if it ain’t broken.”
That voice is just another crab - perhaps its a habit. Or a fear. Or an addiction.
In all likelihood though, its something trying to keep you where you are because it’s safer not to change.
And when you want (or perhaps need) to be anywhere else than where you are, it’s clear that those crabs are not truly serving you.
So, that leaves us with a question - what do we do with these crabs? That’s a topic for a much lengthier discussion, but to start, noticing the crabs are there in the first place is a huge step to recognizing how those parts of us that we hear, protect, hold on to and/or deny are not always serving us.
In sum:
The "crab in a bucket" metaphor represents external circumstances or internal doubts preventing change. These "crabs," whether friends or internal voices, often aim to protect but usually keep us stuck. Recognizing these influences is the first step to overcoming them and making necessary changes in our lives.
Your Next Steps:
Wondering if you’ve got crabs? (You should probably see a doctor).
In all seriousness though, here’s something to try to start to get acquainted with the parts of you that are, just maybe, holding you back from making changes you want to make.
Sit down with a pen and paper. Put your phone away for 20 minutes (yes, you can do it), and start writing about the question: “What have I been avoiding?”
There are no wrong answers to this.
But, as you write, notice - is it hard to write anything? Are there things you are avoiding writing? What about things that you would prefer to write about?
See what comes up. Once you are done writing, write down at least one thing you can commit to doing that you’ve been avoiding.
Then do it.
Let me know how it goes.
Word of the Week
The word "development" originates from the Old French term "desveloper," which means to unwrap or unfold. It evolved from the Latin "disvolvere," combining "dis-" (indicating reversal) and "volvere" (to roll).
Originally, it referred to the gradual unfolding of something, capturing the essence of growth and progression over time.
How does your experience change when you consider development not as fixing, adding or taking away, but rather, as simply your own self continue to reveal over time like a tightly folded piece of origami opening up over and over, forever?
Quote of the Week
“For a good man to realize that it is better to be whole than to be good is to enter on a strait and narrow path compared to which his previous rectitude was flowery license.” John Middleton Murry
When we can bring all the parts of ourselves to our work, it gets easier - not harder - to know what to do. That might mean we get some disapproval somewhere - perhaps even consider that bringing those parts of us we put aside might be unacceptable - but, without doing it, it is that much harder to find the alignment to know what do to do next.
Want to Dive Deeper?
I work with teams and individuals to discover their deeper purpose, navigate difficult transitions and answer the call to vocation.
If you want to talk about what’s coming up for you, get in touch.
I hope this was helpful for you. See you next week.